The Greatest Love of All
We all know the famous line from the movie Jerry Maguire: You complete me. This is one example of the many romantic movies that create the idea that you're going to find your soul mate — who will give you everything you need and make you all better. Yet, hoping your partner will complete you is a recipe for dependence (and often disaster) — rather than a successful relationship.
The pandemic has compounded the stressors of everyday life: kids, work, deadlines, etc. The increased level of anxiety caused by the uncertainty in our lives has made many of us feel depleted — like we’re hanging onto the last rung.
In times like this, it is common to turn to our partner and blame them for our misery — even if we are aware of other variables outside of the marriage that affect mood and stress levels. While the rational part of our brains knows that our partner is not responsible for our happiness, it is not uncommon to first look outward for a quick fix — rather than inward for a long-standing solution.
The goal here is to emphasize the importance of esteeming yourself. To have a healthy, functional relationship requires that you take responsibility for your own self-care. Your partner is there to support you and provide a soft landing as needed, yet he or she is not intended to be your primary engine.
So when you’re feeling lonely, sad, or “on empty”, generate a loving, internal feeling instead of looking to your partner to fill your tank by:
Connecting to yourself quietly through an energetic process like yoga or meditation;
Utilizing positive affirmations to manifest self-love; and
Transforming negative and inaccurate thoughts into productive internal dialogue.
Remember, you are perfectly imperfect — no matter the outcome, you can trust that you can give yourself what you need and want.
Your first job is to take care of you and come to your relationship whole and healthy. Instead of expecting your partner to be the fix, do the inner work — and then communicate your feelings and thoughts effectively to your partner.
Contact Tracy for more information about these techniques.